2010.

Because I haven't blogged since 2009, I'm doing it now. But I have nothing to say because its bed time. Goodnight. This is a start at least :)

meh.

Today I woke up and I realized...

"shoot, this work thing really makes me feel a little depressed."

The work is good.
Its the waking up at the same time everyday that really brings me down.
I wonder how long till it goes away and I'm okay with the monotony.
Or if it will never go away, and
...you just get used to it.

Either way, shitty deals.

Hmm, on a positive note: I got my first paycheck and spent half of it already ;o)
And my purchase, well she is a beauty and her name is Sally.

I think I figured out what I like about school.
There's an end.

When you go to work its like forever.
I will be working for a full month before any holiday shows up.
Which is why I was really looking forward to a furlough today, but No, we have to wait until the 6th for the special day.
But whoop-de-doo, we already get a Holiday on the 11th. Grrr.

Plus, working makes me tired.
I don't have time to watch my shows.
And it just drains me.

So either I'm old,
or work is more draining than studying.
Plus at least when it came to school, you could procrastinate and have breaks.
Class only lasted till lunch.
And yeah.

I love school.
And I'll be back to it shortly.

On the 8th day of work.

On the eighth day of work I went in and came home. I would have called in sick, but I didn't know the protocol to do so. Lameness I KNOW! WTF. There are a number of possible contributing factors to my sickness:
1. I was going on my 9th day of no poopage.
2. Air conditioned office = circulated air and allergens that my body is not accustomed to.
3. Being cold then hot then cold.
4. The adjustment of waking up, going to sleep and doing something every day.
5. Being exposed to new people every day.
Either way, today was a sick day without pay since I have not worked enough to collect a paid sick day. Totally worth it though. I have fevers, sinus pressure in the head, behind the eyes and ears. When I sneeze sometimes, my ears hurt for some time. I was having chest pain and body aches. All amounting to what could possibly be the flu, but that has to not happen since I still do not have health insurance. So I stayed home to rest, and tomorrow I will go back into the office with Sudafed and a new lease on life and work.

P.S. Little Girl is fascinated with the cursor on the screen and its adorable.

It was inevitable.

I start my real life, working adult job on Thursday and every time I allow myself to feel the entirety of this reality, my breathing becomes deep, my heart beat quickens and for a brief moment -I stop breathing altogether. So for now, I'll take it one step at a time. I'll fill out the forms. I'll call and ask where I report and what time. I'll pick out the perfect outfit, and most of all -wear great shoes. I think my first purchase with my first paycheck will be a leather bag full of pockets, like the ones professors carry around. It'll make me feel official, and I've always wanted one -just never had a reason to get one. To add to my justification, there will be days I'll be walking in the rain, so I'd preferably like my belongings dry :)

In other news, life has been moving at a pace I can enjoy. Which makes me feel like I've been living each day very well. If it were going too fast then I was having too many things going on in my life, and if it were going too slow then I wasn't doing enough. My porridge is juuuuuust right. Last week, Teri took me ziplining in Waikapu and it was very nice, early -but nice. It was a definite great change in pace from our usual routine. Other than that, we've been hanging out with friends and making sure we don't get too caught up with just hanging with each other (which I astonishingly found, I am capable of).

Well thinking about what I've been doing is only intensifying my headache so peace out homies.

Why I think my grandpa is awesome.

He slipped today and his reaction is:
Its a part of growing up.

And my grandma replies with:
Its a part of growing old.

And my reaction was:
Optimism at its best :)

Oh Shit Life.

I got the Job.
And I said Yes.
And now, I have a Job.

OH SHIT LIFE!

If my room is a reflection of my life.

Then I'm a mess.
Emotions piled in random corners of my soul.
Or something.

Because that is the only message I get from this once so beautiful room of mines.
I've managed to allow time to piss on it.
Its quite fascinating actually.

I should make a point to be home more often.
So I can take care of this mess.
But right now, I'm too tired.

I must get dressed.
Take a nap.
And wait for Teri to call so I can pick him up.

Little does he know, I'm going to ask him to drive today :)
Lets see if that works.

Lets hope it stays at a sore throat.

Jalene is not allowed to develop a cough.
Jalene is not allowed to develop a cough.
Jalene is not allowed to develop a cough.

I have a sore throat.
My mom said thats how it starts.
Jalene is not allowed to develop a cough, because Jalene's coughs go directly to her chest.
Bronchitis here Jalene comes.
And since I have no health insurance, pneumonia surely to follow.
Lets hope that my immune system can withstand these feelings of fatigue and body aches and make me magically better tomorrow morning.

Maybe I should go to sleep now.

7 days.

Not like I'm counting or anything...

OMG Life.

It was one thing to apply for a job, another to take the entrance exam. And a whole new level to get a letter in the mail asking for an Interview commitment. I suppose its good that I've finally given myself a timeline here on Maui, and a more definitive plan on graduate school but shittymcpherson, the decisions I make henceforth are epically impactful on the path my life will lead. There were days that I would talk to Alex and we wished our lives would take forth on the journey we always imagined for ourselves, but when the moment is starting to unfold my heart and head is full of anxiety and wanderings.

Here is path A:
-work as a Social Worker for at least two years, gain experience and commitment.
-apply for graduate school, possibly Law or Business.
-volunteer on the weekends

Here is path B:
-officer training school for the Air Force.

The Air Force is unexplainable force in my life. I don't know its origins, but I do know thats its something I always wanted to do in my life. I believe it was the summer of 8th going onto Frosh year when I decided that I wanted to attend the Air Force Academy. I was so determined that I made my password for Xanga, airforce and AIM, military. I remember doing that because I did not want to allow myself to forget that its something I really wanted to do. Then it came down to applying and the Physical Aptitude Test sparked my flakiness and laziness and pure stupidity. Though I can't say that I regret not applying, but its one decision, I sometimes wonder, how that path might have lead me. And now I find out about this officer training program and I want to do it.

Decisions...
I should talk to a recruitment officer.

The Pali.

Jared, Jordan, Tami and I went hiking on the Pali trail Saturday. It was grueling.
Walked to the head, walked past the head, added two extra miles, found the head and began the hike, fatigued.
Then it was all Uphill from there, literally.
I kept thinking, Man I should not have flaked out on my lunch date.
But then had to quickly convince myself that I have wanted to do this hike for YEARS.

Never again.

AND Break.

Wow, I definitely had something to say here before a noisy truck went up my street. Which, somehow, cleared my thoughts just as quickly as the tide to sand.

Hmm... I saw a shooting star above the intersection of Kaahumanu and Beach Rd. which is pretty amazing considering the light pollution. It brought a giddy smile to my face :) The other night/morning I also got to watch a cane fire for the first time in my life. That was simply amazing. And breathtaking (and no, not because of the smoke). I think I have to take more joy rides between the hours of four and five to catch another.

I remember now, what I was going to say.
I think I'm going to have no problem gaining the weight I lost over the past month.
All it takes is some home cooking. No more eating out for this girl. And its not the chang part of me either.
Its my stomachs LOVE for home cooking and RICE.
On Tuesday night my mom made me steak and potatoes. Enjoyed every bit.
Tonight I had pork chops and rice. SO GOOD. Even managed to eat round two of dinner an hour later, and two hours later eat a kim chee bowl.
Maria is right. My stomach is growing again :) WOOHOO.
Thank goodness.
I don't like my pants not fitting properly. Those are expensive pants.
And short shorts don't do well when they are overly big, seeing as I already purchase them too big for myself.
Lets just hope this pound I managed to gain with all this food intake isn't false hope since I haven't pooped yet.

On a less grotesque note for the TMI folks, I am watching ICE AGE with the cousin + friend and G-ma. I'm pretty excited! Whats more amusing though, is the thought of my grandparents going to watch The Hangover tomorrow night. If it weren't for Obon, I'd love to witness THAT. Speaking of Obon, I must check on the fellow Obon lovers to see if they are up for Kahului tomorrow/tonight :D

Nighty night.
Its time to continue my diligent reading of the final installment of the Harry Potter series. Take two.
Which, in this case, I'll fall asleep at roughly the third or fourth page I get to.
If I manage to read this book one more time, it WILL BE the first book I have EVER read twice.
oOooooo.

Liver damage.

Wednesday night - Tiki Lounge
Thursday night - Oceans + Tiki Lounge
Friday night - Oceans

Wow.
When will I ever make it to Obon?
July 10th. I think I might just have to be there.

If not the next weekend is Kahului. And I ain't missing that for the world.
Okay I have to stop thinking about Obon cause its making me too excited.

I wonder if we are going out again tonight?

Alex.

I love you.
And our friendship.
And our talks.
And I wish we could escape life and go on a day trip to Boston for the day.
Like the good ol' days.
When there was not a worry in the world but the ones created in the cute Smith College bubble.

I've been thinking.

Life is pretty uncertain.
I like the idea that life is not constant. That one decision will branch us off into another direction, and thus forth.
We create our paths by the decisions we make.

Okay its too early to be thinking about life this hard.
I'm getting a premature headache.

Wow. Its been a month.

more or less.

It says the last time I blogged was May 19th. That was the day a couple of college friends arrived for their two week vacation in PARADISE. Yes, I went there. They stayed for exactly two weeks, not a moment longer or a moment shorter. And a packed two weeks it was. I was never one for itineraries but it surely seems like I followed one. Although there were some key restaurants that I wanted to take them to, we didn't make the time. I'm pretty sure they both enjoyed themselves so thats all that matters.

Enter: June 2nd.
Hibernation till the 3rd.
I was hoping for longer.
But boy, people like eating lunch.
I mean I like eating lunch.
But I guess, I like eating free lunch (aka: home cooked lunch).
Like homemade, from scratch hash browns fried in butter and olive oil with bacon and fried egg.
Oh. Watery mouth.

The next three days were lunch dates and then, whew, the weekend.
Somehow its now the 16th.
And yes, I had to check the calendar for the date.
Its now been over a year since I graduated college and my retirement from college has been fairing me quite well.
I applied to, in total, my third job.
Lets hope I have better chances this time.
Job search take 2 tomorrow.

what i've done with my life

here is the picture i've promised :)

the end is so near...

22 flat white cabinets
12 medium maple stained cabinets
2 lazy susans
12 drawers
18 aged bronze handles
30 aged bronze knobs
later...

and all i have to do is paint the kitchen an unknown color.
maybe chalkboard black.

So I started to paint the cabinets

On Monday. I painted the fronts of seven cabinets and the surrounding areas. On Tuesday I decide to see what staining was going to look like. I figured if I stayed on one wall then I'd be safe, see if I liked it first. I mean, I was doing this project on my own, no one offered to help me. Phish, and it was my first time ever staining too. So I needed a test run, right? Tuesday my grandpa says he'll help me stain the rest of the cabinets because its the hardest part. So today, Wedneday, we stained 14 cabinets, 11 drawers and 2 lazy susans. I sand papered every bit of those woodworks. My fingers are in pain, my backs at a cramp, and my shoulder is tense. Tomorrow, we will stain the surrounding areas of the bottom portion of the cabinets. And hopefully be able to put the cabinet doors back on by the afternoon. Then perhaps star painting the rest of the cabinets, 20, +2 since I made a mistake. I sanded from 830-330, with a 30 minute lunch. So pardon me for my following rant:

My dad is sitting in the kitchen tonight. There is no television right now because well the kitchen is under renovation. My father says to me, why haven't you painted the cabinets yet, we need the counter space. I said, Grandpa wanted to do the staining first because its the hardest. His reply, He didn't say that. I said, Yes he did (thinking in my head, wtf you think i'm lying you untrustful father figure you are). I say, okay if you want it done why don't you paint it or help. I mean, I bet if he did the painting, the job would have been done much faster. I mean, I'm pretty sure he is a painting contractor. He is professional and I am a novice. I am doing it because no one else will. I think he has no right telling me how fast I should be painting and how I have to get thing done. If he was aware that he is also living in this house then maybe perhaps he would have enough sense to realize that he could help too. He could help out with the daily chores around the house, instead of hanging out with his adoptive family every weekend. I have no qualms with you not being home on the weekends, but when you start to dictate how I should be doing things in the house you don't even seem to have any concern with, well them boo to you. You fail.